I’m not small, I’m handbag sized….
What a day. I was recovering from yesterday when Owner came home and THREATENED me by putting a raw lamb kidney in my food bowl (dear god mum do I look like a lion?) when my dragged me out for a walk really, really early this morning. Owner, Tula the Perfect Dog and I were all yawning, but Owner was shouting “Run! Run like the wind! Chase ALL the rabbits!”. This sudden change in behaviour was strange even for Owner who is really quite potty. So when we got home and it was time for my apres walk snooze, Owner chucked me in the back of the car with Tula and drove into the distance.
I woke to some loud discussion between Owner (driving) and Owners Friend Who Brings Us Sausages who were both yelling at the small device that is supposed to tell Owner how to get to places, but usually it gets us to the general area rather than specifically to where Owner wants to go. Instead of saying “You have reached your final destination” it should probably say “I have taken you as close as I can be bothered, I suggest you now get out an A-Z or ask someone to direct you”. Anyhow, Owner took us on a lovely 20 min detour that brought us to where we wanted to go – about 2 mins from the original place we stopped in Llandudno.
As Giant Schnauzers we enjoy the fact that lots of people stop us and make a fuss of us because we are a fairly unusual breed. So imagine our surprise when there was 9 Giant Schnauzers all waiting for us to arrive! Although, when I realised I was the smallest by some considerable margin I was slightly put out. Luckily there was a fabulously friendly white Mini Schnauzer and a brave but annoyingly cute puppy mini (oh come on people, stop looking at the gorgeous pup and look at ME) so by hanging around near them I still looked BIG. Tula the Perfect Dog flirted with virtually all the dogs but was particularly flirty with a young gentleman named Enzo. She also liked a large dog named Dylan who was quite woofety, but I was a bit more cautious – I prefer men my own size *winks at Otto*
I am normally a bit cautious around larger dogs, but actually as time went on I went to say hello to all the dogs, even the loud ones, and they were all really friendly with me. Which was all good, but there was a distinct lack of rabbits to chase. What to do? Ah, but Minxsters are very good at improvisation. And sure enough, there was some dead crab to munch on while Owner and Owners Friend Who Brings Us Sausages both went “Euuuuurrrgh…”.
Afterwards we were invite to JoniwhoownsDylanandLayla’s hotel (www.clontarfhotel.co.uk) where I had a good nosey about and settled in the corner with Tula the Perfect Dog. If you ever want a break this hotel comes with a Minxster stamp of approval. Anyhoo, the boring hoomans started talking (blah blah blah) and poor Joni tried to cater for my Owner. Now, anyone who knows my Owner knows that woman can eat as an Olympic event. She started with a Caffitiere of coffee – bad move! Once the coffee starts flowing Owner gets very possessive about her cuppa. And it was, apparently very, very good coffee. So the first cup went in and Owner walloped down a couple of HUGE egg and watercress sandwiches faster than Tula can leap on the chair on top of me if I try to steal her spot. And that’s FAST. Then some home made cinnamon buns came out and Owner was in there like a lion at a gazelle. I was a bit scared to be honest, and made sure I kept all my paws away from her mouth just in case. By the time Owner was on her third cup, having alarmingly found her 2nd cup had been cleared away (OH DEAR GOD PLEEEEZE SOMEONE GET THIS WOMAN ANOTHER CUP OF COFFEE BEFORE SHE NOTICES) she had also put away a chocolate eclair and was working through the home made Victoria Sponge that someone had carelessly put next to Owner….. I am wondering to myself exactly where she is putting all this stuff, and maybe she has a secret food pouch….and Joni comes in with raw food for me. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to eat it, but when Tula polishes off hers and then nicks mine, I am beginning to see why Tula and Owner relate to each other so well. Well, for a change it isn’t ME embarrassing themselves, but Owner. No one else managed to put so much else away, and as Owner is waddling out the door having said goodbye to all our friends, she whizzes a couple of Cinnamon buns to scoff on the way home….I have a cuddle with poor Joni in the hope that I can go someway for making up for Owner’s disgraceful behaviour, and maybe, just MAYBE Joni will let us come back for a holiday rather than shutting the door and hiding in case Owner eats her out of house and home.
So when we get home Owner scoffs one of the remaining buns and changes into her PJs. She scoots off into the bathroom and there is a loud scream. Oh no, I know what that means. Owner has gone on the scales……..I suspect she will be in a bad mood for the rest of the night. Maybe she can scoff the other bun to cheer herself up. Looks like us dogs are not going to be the only giant things in the house at this rate…….