In Dis Grace

Apparently I am in Dis Grace. Which is silly because I am actually on the bed. It has fresh new bedcovers on, which makes it even better to dry myself on after a snowy walk. But owner is already pretty bloomin' furious so it will only be a short blog today....

Firstly its not all my fault, both owner and Tula the perfect dog are also to blame so don't pin it all on the little Minxster. Owner was doing VERY IMPORTANT WORK so that's quite boring for a little Minxster. Yawn, yawn, yawn emails, project briefs (are these like pants?), strategic thingies but no walk. Apparently Owner says it was because "Only Torville and Dean would go out in this" but I don't know who this is, but I'm presuming it's a pair of Mini Schnauzers (pesky Minis, Owner says they are VERY CUTE, which is worrying, I really don't want to share the sofa with ANOTHER dog). But later in the afternoon it looks sunny so owner puts on scarves and 2 pairs of gloves and 2 coats and a hat and really there isn't much owner lets to see apart from a pair of eyes peering out. I bounce down the road a bit like Tigger, but this causes some screaming from Owner who does a very funny dance behind me with her arms waving and her feet skidding. We pass a large group of loud teenagers who play music at me through their mobile phones. Tula the perfect dog tried to eat one of the phones and the teenagers squeal and yell "Thats Bang Out of Order" but Owner just sniggers.

The field is full of heather and tall prickly gorse which makes it a fabulous place to find rabbits (yum!) but yet again stupid owner has but bells around my neck which give the rabbits an advance warning. But it means there is lots and lots of undergrowth so Owner can't always see us. Well, I was so excited to be out, and I knew Owner wanted to cheat me out of a proper walk, so I skiddadled......gone like the wind.....faster than a speeding bullet. But to be fair, so did Tula the Perfect dog.....in the opposite direction. So Owner was left in the middle of a snowy, icy field, at about 5 degrees below freezing, screaming our names. Owner could hear the bells on our collar, so knew we were not lost, but neither one of us fancied returning. Owner stopped yelling, and instead sneaked up on the nearest bell sound (lucky it wasn't one of Santa's reindeer, then there would have been some explaining to do) and launched herself like a hangglider overhead....suddenly I was captured, and no amount of wriggling got me free. I was shoved back on my lead, given a biscuit to bribe me, then told off for not coming back (crumbs, Ceaser Milan please help my poor confused owner) and I was DRAGGED, DRAGGED I tell you through the heather until my owner realised I had turned into the fabled Snow dog of the Scottish Borders....After removing about a foot of snow from my head, my owner continued screaming her head off to get Tula the Not Quite So Perfect As Usual dog back. Anyhooo, Owner tracked Tula too and she promptly got lassooed too. We were marched home with much I AM GOING TO BUY A SPRAY COLLAR FOR YOU TWO AND THEN YOU'LL BE SORRY from Owner. Tula the Perfect Until Very Recently dog promptly sat down and did her 'I'm not going anywhere if you are going to be grumpy and you can't make me' refusal to move. Unlike usual when Owner then has to spend some time persuading Her Majesty that it actually would be good to move cos people are laughing, Tula just slid along the floor and gave up her protest. So we both lost out on an after walk biscuit treat, but Owner did give us both a big hug because she doesn't like being apart from her Ladies. Hopefully Owner has learnt a lesson that recall is an optional request to a Giant Schnauzer, not a command.